Yesterday I received some news that is wonderful, exciting, troubling, worrisome, amazing and frightening all at once. I can't really speak about the news, just know that everyone is safe.
Now, normally when I get news like this, both good and bad, I dwell and dwell and dwell and dwell on the bad, sad, frightening aspects and then lose all control. The old Barbara would cry for hours and then go eat. Eat I say - eat everything she could find. Put stale butter on stale crackers. Perhaps gotten in the car and headed to the nearest drive thru. I would sit and drown myself in a sea of food that only made me feel disgusting.
Was this habit? Punishment? A cry for help? Did I really think that perhaps some food fairy would come along wave a wand and whooooooosh - all problems would be gone. This eating would lead to reflux, inability to sleep, and weight gain. Then I would wake up in the morning and start the eating all over again. Perhaps I can drown this bad news (always forgetting the positive news). Maybe it will just be ok today, because I ate all that so-called comfort food.
Well this time - the food monster couldn't catch me. I heard the news and yes I cried and cried. Hey, you can't take crying away from a pisces. Now that would just be wrong. The contacts were still hard to get out that night - but instead of stale, greasy foods - I had some delicious celery soaked in vinegar, my favorite tea and another huge glass of water. I went to sleep easily, because I felt physically well and I woke up this morning rested and ready to take on the tasks and ideals for the day.
I feel stronger today, I can accept the things I cannot change - and "I'm not letting them eat at me."I am thinking of the proactive things I can do to help and things that help me stay strong and committed to my own physical and spiritual health. I was not beaten by food so I didn't wake up feeling as though nothing would ever be alright so I might as well stuff everything in the house down my throat.
I've been given a gift. I've broken an old habit and I am better for it. In that respect everyone around me will be better served. I won't blame the stranger in the store or the neighbors loud music for my woes. I will reach out to those I love and hold them in the best ways I can.
Old habits may rear up and bite me in the butt every now and then - but then again - I don't think this one will. It's so much easier feeling physically well while taking on the joy and the sorrows of life.
Just a thought
Babs
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
What's Love Got to do with It?
February 21, 2012
I hear from many quarters that you need to love yourself before anyone else can. I know what "they" mean, I've even managed to understand it from time to time. But it really is hard to maintain. I've been overweight all of my life. I went through phases of liking myself okay, but mostly I don't think I was that into me - ergo - fat.
Currently, I am going through a phase of actually liking me. I'm excited about new adventures, I'm proud of the lovely woman that my daughter is, and yes I've given joy to my mother. Because of this I do take better care of me and it feels so good.
Everyone in my family has had weight issues. I've noticed that stress (yucky times stress) makes it worse for us and I've also noticed that my brother, my sister, my mother and I don't like ourselves as much when we are heavy. But we are all very accomplished, talented people so we should be embracing ourselves much more.
I think my mother, my daughter and I have some daddy issues. My issues are that I adored my father beyond description. He was a saint in my eyes and the foundation of my soul. He died when I was 15 years old and to this day, I mourn the loss of this amazing man in my life. I lost the one person that always made me feel beautiful and special and well I won't go into details of how that may have affected my eating habits and the way that I perceived myself - but I think you can imagine.
My mother's father was a talented charismatic man, who divorced her mother in the 1930's leaving her with 5 children. He left the family for a younger woman and had another child. My mother was a young teenager as well when this happened. Lifestyle (having to walk everywhere) kept my mother thin most of her life, but you can imagine the self esteem issues that were hovering under the surface. Of course, mom is of the generation that never questions why one feels bad so many of her issues stayed buried. She was amazingly lucky meeting and loving my father, but the loss of him also took her on a sad roller coaster of loss and weight managment issues.
My darlin' daughter was abandoned by her father at the age of 2. I am amazed most of the time how wonderfully she deals with that loss. But it affects her in ways I'll never know and the hurt cuts deeply. She fights the weight battles every now and then - but mostly she like the rest of us has to keep finding new ways to love herself.
It's that loving yourself that is the underlying issue. It seems hard sometimes. Do I deserve to even love myself? Who am I to think that loving myself is so important. A friend from Star Island, Lily, gave a sermon once about loving herself and how after a time of trial she decided that she loved herself so much that she married herself. She had ceremonies of commitment and rituals of love to embrace the beauty that is truly Lily. I was so inspired by that and would often think about the idea during the year I lost so much weight. I am now on that road - perhaps when I'm 64 in 2013, I'll hold my own marriage ceremony and then I'll be able to answer yes to the question "Will you still love me when I'm 64?"
My friend Kiya wrote a song called "I love you" and I cry and smile every time I hear it. I told her I thought it was one of the most beautiful love songs I've ever heard. I think it makes me smile mostly because I know who Kiya is singing to and I am so happy for her that she has found such an amazing love in her life. It really does make her whole. But I also know that Kiya is someone that thinks enough of herself to have opened up for that love. This is when I cry - will I ever love myself that much? Will I ever love myself enough to know that I really can make life better for myself and for those around me and for the dear souls that I might meet along the way?
This journey of life is so incredible. It is hard - but my darlin's keep on livin' it. And remember in the immortal words of Auntie Mame: "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death." Funny that I love a quote related to food but heck go out and enjoy the banquet - Love yourself enough to rejoice in the variety of experiences. Cause, Love has got everything to do with it.
Just a Thought
Babs
I hear from many quarters that you need to love yourself before anyone else can. I know what "they" mean, I've even managed to understand it from time to time. But it really is hard to maintain. I've been overweight all of my life. I went through phases of liking myself okay, but mostly I don't think I was that into me - ergo - fat.
Currently, I am going through a phase of actually liking me. I'm excited about new adventures, I'm proud of the lovely woman that my daughter is, and yes I've given joy to my mother. Because of this I do take better care of me and it feels so good.
Everyone in my family has had weight issues. I've noticed that stress (yucky times stress) makes it worse for us and I've also noticed that my brother, my sister, my mother and I don't like ourselves as much when we are heavy. But we are all very accomplished, talented people so we should be embracing ourselves much more.
I think my mother, my daughter and I have some daddy issues. My issues are that I adored my father beyond description. He was a saint in my eyes and the foundation of my soul. He died when I was 15 years old and to this day, I mourn the loss of this amazing man in my life. I lost the one person that always made me feel beautiful and special and well I won't go into details of how that may have affected my eating habits and the way that I perceived myself - but I think you can imagine.
My mother's father was a talented charismatic man, who divorced her mother in the 1930's leaving her with 5 children. He left the family for a younger woman and had another child. My mother was a young teenager as well when this happened. Lifestyle (having to walk everywhere) kept my mother thin most of her life, but you can imagine the self esteem issues that were hovering under the surface. Of course, mom is of the generation that never questions why one feels bad so many of her issues stayed buried. She was amazingly lucky meeting and loving my father, but the loss of him also took her on a sad roller coaster of loss and weight managment issues.
My darlin' daughter was abandoned by her father at the age of 2. I am amazed most of the time how wonderfully she deals with that loss. But it affects her in ways I'll never know and the hurt cuts deeply. She fights the weight battles every now and then - but mostly she like the rest of us has to keep finding new ways to love herself.
It's that loving yourself that is the underlying issue. It seems hard sometimes. Do I deserve to even love myself? Who am I to think that loving myself is so important. A friend from Star Island, Lily, gave a sermon once about loving herself and how after a time of trial she decided that she loved herself so much that she married herself. She had ceremonies of commitment and rituals of love to embrace the beauty that is truly Lily. I was so inspired by that and would often think about the idea during the year I lost so much weight. I am now on that road - perhaps when I'm 64 in 2013, I'll hold my own marriage ceremony and then I'll be able to answer yes to the question "Will you still love me when I'm 64?"
My friend Kiya wrote a song called "I love you" and I cry and smile every time I hear it. I told her I thought it was one of the most beautiful love songs I've ever heard. I think it makes me smile mostly because I know who Kiya is singing to and I am so happy for her that she has found such an amazing love in her life. It really does make her whole. But I also know that Kiya is someone that thinks enough of herself to have opened up for that love. This is when I cry - will I ever love myself that much? Will I ever love myself enough to know that I really can make life better for myself and for those around me and for the dear souls that I might meet along the way?
This journey of life is so incredible. It is hard - but my darlin's keep on livin' it. And remember in the immortal words of Auntie Mame: "Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death." Funny that I love a quote related to food but heck go out and enjoy the banquet - Love yourself enough to rejoice in the variety of experiences. Cause, Love has got everything to do with it.
Just a Thought
Babs
Monday, February 20, 2012
What the &*^^ is Barbara doing Now?
Thoughts for Monday, Feb. 20, 2012
Both of my grandsons will have a birthday in early March. Isaac will turn 11 and Peter will be 13 - oh lord a teenager in the house. Hang on folks - we're in for a bumby ride. All kidding aside, my precious grandsons just fill my whole being up with love and gratitude, regardless of their attitude at any given moment.
One of the things that has become so evident to me over the last two years, is that I need to be healthy for them (as well as little ole me) and that I need to begin to feel more secure in my advancing age so that I can be and do more for myself and my loved ones.
Many of you know that I lost 110 pounds via bariatric surgery from Nov. 2010 - June 2011. I still needed to lose about 40 pounds. I moved again last summer and as usual my routine was sent out the door and I began eating a wee bit too much. I did begin to exercise (some yoga, some water aerobics). Even though I managed to gain 10 pounds, my physical health seemed about 100% better than I can ever remember. So now I needed to lose 50 more pounds.
I recently made a commitment to re-start my good nutrition habits and lose the remaining weight. I began a new weight loss program and as of now have lost those 10 pounds and 10 inches. I've fallen in love with the product and so decided that I was going to start selling it. I've needed some kind of extra income so that my future will be more stable and retirement (say in 4 years?) will be that much more golden.
So now I have launched my new on-line business. I've been through lots of training, have had to set up websites, merchant accounts, phone conferencing capabilities and so much more. It's fun and the prospects are exciting. The product is one that many folks may have heard about, Herbalife. Great nutrition products to help folks lose, gain or maintain weight, and increase energy. There are also skin and hair products.
Right now I'm using the weight loss products and the shampoo and conditioner. I'm loving the shampoo and conditioner. My weight loss caused my already thin hair to get even thinner. I've got a great hair dresser in Austin, who's helping my hair get back in shape, but I've also noticed that just a month on the new shampoo - my hair seems shinier and fuller.
Now I admit, I'm trying to sell you products - but you know what - I really believe this stuff and I'm looking forward to posting results of my continued weight loss and letting you know how I feel about nutrition.
Some days I may get political, some days I may be the comedienne (I am want to be). Some days I may just need to seek your hugs as I share concerns over my aging sickly darlin' mother. Some days I may brag about my daughter and my grandsons, and some days I may just be very quiet. If I figure out how to do it, some day I might just sing you a song or tell you a story.
And yes, I say it again - I am now in business and I'd love you to check out my shopping mall and check out the products and buy, buy, buy or at least Try, try, try.
So go to www.bgs-shoppingmall.com. You'll be asked to submit your email address and be sent a password to log into the site so you can see prices and order on line. Yes, I am now a merchant - but, I know the products will help all who try them. And golly gee wizzzz - they taste good.
So thanks for reading my first post to my blog (wordy as it is).
Just a thought,
Babs
Both of my grandsons will have a birthday in early March. Isaac will turn 11 and Peter will be 13 - oh lord a teenager in the house. Hang on folks - we're in for a bumby ride. All kidding aside, my precious grandsons just fill my whole being up with love and gratitude, regardless of their attitude at any given moment.
One of the things that has become so evident to me over the last two years, is that I need to be healthy for them (as well as little ole me) and that I need to begin to feel more secure in my advancing age so that I can be and do more for myself and my loved ones.
Many of you know that I lost 110 pounds via bariatric surgery from Nov. 2010 - June 2011. I still needed to lose about 40 pounds. I moved again last summer and as usual my routine was sent out the door and I began eating a wee bit too much. I did begin to exercise (some yoga, some water aerobics). Even though I managed to gain 10 pounds, my physical health seemed about 100% better than I can ever remember. So now I needed to lose 50 more pounds.
I recently made a commitment to re-start my good nutrition habits and lose the remaining weight. I began a new weight loss program and as of now have lost those 10 pounds and 10 inches. I've fallen in love with the product and so decided that I was going to start selling it. I've needed some kind of extra income so that my future will be more stable and retirement (say in 4 years?) will be that much more golden.
So now I have launched my new on-line business. I've been through lots of training, have had to set up websites, merchant accounts, phone conferencing capabilities and so much more. It's fun and the prospects are exciting. The product is one that many folks may have heard about, Herbalife. Great nutrition products to help folks lose, gain or maintain weight, and increase energy. There are also skin and hair products.
Right now I'm using the weight loss products and the shampoo and conditioner. I'm loving the shampoo and conditioner. My weight loss caused my already thin hair to get even thinner. I've got a great hair dresser in Austin, who's helping my hair get back in shape, but I've also noticed that just a month on the new shampoo - my hair seems shinier and fuller.
Now I admit, I'm trying to sell you products - but you know what - I really believe this stuff and I'm looking forward to posting results of my continued weight loss and letting you know how I feel about nutrition.
Some days I may get political, some days I may be the comedienne (I am want to be). Some days I may just need to seek your hugs as I share concerns over my aging sickly darlin' mother. Some days I may brag about my daughter and my grandsons, and some days I may just be very quiet. If I figure out how to do it, some day I might just sing you a song or tell you a story.
And yes, I say it again - I am now in business and I'd love you to check out my shopping mall and check out the products and buy, buy, buy or at least Try, try, try.
So go to www.bgs-shoppingmall.com. You'll be asked to submit your email address and be sent a password to log into the site so you can see prices and order on line. Yes, I am now a merchant - but, I know the products will help all who try them. And golly gee wizzzz - they taste good.
So thanks for reading my first post to my blog (wordy as it is).
Just a thought,
Babs
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