Yesterday I received some news that is wonderful, exciting, troubling, worrisome, amazing and frightening all at once. I can't really speak about the news, just know that everyone is safe.
Now, normally when I get news like this, both good and bad, I dwell and dwell and dwell and dwell on the bad, sad, frightening aspects and then lose all control. The old Barbara would cry for hours and then go eat. Eat I say - eat everything she could find. Put stale butter on stale crackers. Perhaps gotten in the car and headed to the nearest drive thru. I would sit and drown myself in a sea of food that only made me feel disgusting.
Was this habit? Punishment? A cry for help? Did I really think that perhaps some food fairy would come along wave a wand and whooooooosh - all problems would be gone. This eating would lead to reflux, inability to sleep, and weight gain. Then I would wake up in the morning and start the eating all over again. Perhaps I can drown this bad news (always forgetting the positive news). Maybe it will just be ok today, because I ate all that so-called comfort food.
Well this time - the food monster couldn't catch me. I heard the news and yes I cried and cried. Hey, you can't take crying away from a pisces. Now that would just be wrong. The contacts were still hard to get out that night - but instead of stale, greasy foods - I had some delicious celery soaked in vinegar, my favorite tea and another huge glass of water. I went to sleep easily, because I felt physically well and I woke up this morning rested and ready to take on the tasks and ideals for the day.
I feel stronger today, I can accept the things I cannot change - and "I'm not letting them eat at me."I am thinking of the proactive things I can do to help and things that help me stay strong and committed to my own physical and spiritual health. I was not beaten by food so I didn't wake up feeling as though nothing would ever be alright so I might as well stuff everything in the house down my throat.
I've been given a gift. I've broken an old habit and I am better for it. In that respect everyone around me will be better served. I won't blame the stranger in the store or the neighbors loud music for my woes. I will reach out to those I love and hold them in the best ways I can.
Old habits may rear up and bite me in the butt every now and then - but then again - I don't think this one will. It's so much easier feeling physically well while taking on the joy and the sorrows of life.
Just a thought
Babs
No comments:
Post a Comment